It's true - I quit Ignitor

We all want things we enjoy to be forever. We don't want things to change. Change means forever is going away.

I battled with my desire to leave the band for over a year. I was unhappy with how things were going in March 06 and was ready to depart at that time. Bev's firing breathed new life and promise into the band, and for a while, I felt like we were on track again. Up until September 06 things were moving with promise, and that's when I broke my hip and sidelined myself for 5 months.

During that time, a lot of incredibly unpleasant and frightening things happened to me, both physical and mental. I realized just how short life could really be, and that one needs to do what one wants NOW and remedy unpleasant situations as fast as possible. The concept of forever was left shattered on that sidewalk where I broke my hip.

When I returned to practicing regularly, it wasn't the same. I had a terrible time doing the vocals to the point where I broke down crying during a couple practices. My body did not want to do that vocal style any more. Eventually, I stabilized, but it still wasn't the same. And on this new, short, NOW timeline, I found my desires in conflict with those of my band mates. They approached things more casually than me, which caused me great frustration. It wasn't wrong, it was just different. I tried to step back, take a more laid back approach, but I couldn't bury my impatience. I'm an ultra-type A personality. I couldn't do it all, couldn't wrangle all the bits and pieces, because I simply didn't have the energy, money or the time.

I realized I wasn't enjoying it. I wasn't having any fun. I was getting up on stage and going through the motions and feeling sad that people in the audience thought it was so great and I didn't think so. I felt like a hypocrite, talking to people at gigs and pretending to be excited. That's not right - the fans deserve better.

As the release of "Road of Bones" neared, I knew I was in trouble. I was the voice and face of the band, and I wanted out. How in the world could I answer interviews about Ignitor's future when I had no intention of being part of it? How incredibly dishonest that would be, to everyone involved. I hold myself to much higher standards. And so... after many sleepless nights, deep dread and miserable mental discussions with myself, I told the guys I was quitting.

It was, without a doubt, the most unpleasant and difficult thing I'd ever done. I was terrified they'd yell, which would then mean I'd cry, and there would be drama and chaos. There was none - they took it quietly, but I could see the anger and upset in their faces and eyes. But... despite all that, after I'd spewed out the words "I gotta tell you guys something... I have to quit," I felt resolved and secure in my decision. It was the right thing to do for me as a human being.

I found it tremendously unfortunate when I learned of Annah's decision to leave the band earlier this week. It was a shock, and my first thought was, "Oh no, now what are they going to do?" I'm glad to see they're pressing onward and auditioning guitarists and vocalists. I really do wish them the best of luck, and I know Annah does the same. And I'm sorry it had to end. It was fun. We did some great things, met some totally awesome people, had some adventures, and made two fucking kick ass CDs.

And the good thing is "Take to the Sky" and "Road of Bones" won't ever change. Music is forever.

At least we can count on that.

Telemarketers are Disease

Any telemarker who calls my house and gets rude with me is in for a treat, especially since we signed up for the revised no call list last year or so. I worked for 3 years in college as a telefund caller, where I regularly annoyed alumni by interrupting their dinners asking them for $1000 toward the RIT Telefund. I had some people treat me rudely but I was never rude back. It's simple self control. That sure isn't the case with telemarketers today! They are belligerent and ready to fight, even if all you're asking is to be taken off the list. It's almost like they have a point to prove now that the no call list has made it so hard for them to find ways to get you on the phone so they can try to do business. Case in point:

I went home today to work from home in the afternoon. At 3pm the phone rings. As none of my friends know my house number, it's got to be a telemarketer.

Me: (answering phone in low pitched 'don't piss me off' tone): "Hello?"
TM (telemarketer): "Jeff?"
Me: (looooong pause): "This is... Erika."
TM: "Oh! That's right, you're his wife. Hello!'
At this point, I'm a tad confused because she sounds like she knows us.
TM: "Well hi, my name is Marty and I'm from Freedom Group. We see you're paying a high interest rate on your credit cards and debt–"
Me: "Marty, we don't carry balances on our credit cards; we have no debt. Please take us off your list."
TM: (getting snippy) "Oh you misunderstand me. This is no list, this is not a random call. We see you're paying high interest on your debts–"
Me: (openly snappy): "We don't carry ANY debt, Ma'am." (at this point I'm still on the call because I'm a little curious about what the fuck she's "seeing."
TM: "That's not possible! I see here that–"
Me: "Well, we do have a mortgage."
TM: (condescending tone now) "You're misunderstanding me, I'm talking about the high interest debt your carrying."
Me: (now I'm furious): "Marty. We don't carry ANY debt."
TM: "Well I don't understand! Did you refinance to pay off your debt? How did you get rid of it?
Me: "No, we did not refinance. We don't have any debt. We've NEVER had any debt. We pay off our credit cards EVERY month. We don't live like the rest of stupid America. I don't know who you are and what you're talking about but you are clearly misinformed."
TM: "Fine, have a good day."
Me: "Fuck yourself, bitch."

And I hang up with a bang.

Someday I'll write a blog about the motherfucker who came to my door trying to sell me digital cable when I was on crutches with the broken hip. To this day, I wonder if that guy knows how lucky he was to leave my doorstep alive. If I had been well, I would have charged out the door and choked him to death right there on the walkway.